HomePublicationBurbankChris Erskine: Super Bowl Quips and $100 Cheeseburgers

Chris Erskine: Super Bowl Quips and $100 Cheeseburgers

Random thoughts about life in Los Angeles, the Super Bowl edition:
February is Thin Mints in your coffee.
February is the flu.
Just remember, families are like fudge — mostly sweet with a few nuts.
In L.A., love is a contact sport.
In L.A., Cupid carries a gun.
“I never lose. I either win or learn.” (Nelson Mandela)
Sign of the times: the $100 cheeseburger at the Langham in Pasadena.
At Pie ‘N’ Burger, you could feed the Niners for that.
Trivia time: Who was the first choice to play Frazier Crane on “Cheers”?
Remember the “Super Bowl Shuffle”? It’s the Kelce brothers’ turn.
“I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” (Emily Blunt, in “The Devil Wears Prada”)
Warning: I always die a little when football season ends.
No worries. By September, I’m totally fine.
Best-ever Super Bowl commercial: the dog and the horse.
Soon as NFL cheerleaders put on jackets, male fans peel off their shirts and paint their chests.
Honk if you think Chardonnay Moms make the best moms.
As I always say: “Don’t think of it as wine. Think of it as an emotional support beverage.”
Just remember, director John Ford worked with a glass of brandy in his hand.
Honk if you think the Burbank Airport was fine as is.
FYI, a $1.2 billion replacement airport terminal opens in late 2026.
Writer S.J. Perelman once called Hollywood “a dreary industrial town controlled by hoodlums of enormous wealth [and] the ethical sense of a pack of jackals.”
Know what I like about football? Everything.
Know what I like about L.A.? Many things.
Know what I would change if I bought Vroman’s and Book Soup: Nothing.
Congrats to Dog Haus in Pasadena for topping the voting list during Pasadena Cheeseburger Week.
Baseball is a better version of life.
Chili is a better version of soup.
Football is the only sport whose season doesn’t last too long.
Be prepared: The Dodgers are now MLB’s villains.
Rascals are like forest creatures. But they make the funniest friends.
Trivia answer: John Lithgow was the original pick to play Frazier Crane.
February birthdays: Matthew Stafford, 36; Rihanna, 36; Jennifer Aniston, 55; Roger Staubach, 82; Cupid, immortal.
Tell me, what does Cupid know about love? He’s been single forever.
Go figure: L.A. can’t support a major newspaper, yet there are 500 shopping channels.
Best Rascals song: “A Beautiful Morning.”
Runner-up: “I Ain’t Gonna Eat Out My Heart Anymore.”
Trivia II: Who was the first choice to play Sam Malone on “Cheers”?
Best solution to the mid-winter blahs: Du-par’s.
And Canter’s on a rainy day.
“The Bear” is a good show — sometimes a great show. But it’s not a comedy, no matter what the award shows say.
Look-alikes: Barry Manilow and Jeremy Allen White.
Trivia II answer: Rams ex-lineman Fred Dryer was slated to play Sam Malone.
Ted Danson made a far better rascal.
In TV, casting is everything.
Marriage too.
“When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” (Walter Payton, Chicago Bears)
Ever notice the resemblance between me and Ted Danson?
No one has.
The Rose Bowl should have a Sphere. Like that one in Vegas.
Love classic sitcoms? Check out “Directed by James Burrows,” the memoir on his incredible life making us laugh.
Ohtani to the Dodgers! Harbaugh to the Chargers! (The Los Angeles Times sure picked a lousy time to gut its sports page.)
I still say L.A. is the best sports town in the world.
“I can’t end my messages with ‘Love, Shaq’ because the B-52s ruined that for me.” (Shaquille O’Neal)
“The Boys in the Boat” needed a better script.
The underdog credo: Dig deep, really deep. Then pray.
Sports teaches us that.
So does parenthood.
“My kids aren’t spoiled. They’re just a little stinky.” (Hallmark)
Know who’s very good? Jim Nantz.
Know who seemed very good at first? Tony Romo.
But I still like his restaurants.
Congrats to my rascally attorney (Billable Bob) for always making me laugh.
Congrats to my rascally former boss, Catharine Hamm, for getting through some grueling surgery.
May every sunrise bring you hope.
May every server bring you wings.
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” (Robin Williams).

For events or book appearances, please email Letters@Chris

First published February 8-10 in Outlook Newspapers.


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